officialunitedstates:

Many of us know Olive Garden’s slogan When You’re Here, You’re Family.  Well, I recently put that to the test.

The tables were wooden and nice to sit at.  The chairs were also comfortable.  The view wasn’t anything special, but there was a pretty cool looking van in the Walmart parking lot that had flames on its sides. 

I was immediately offered wine, and after admitting I was underage, refused wine.  If you’re going to offer me wine, please don’t rescind your offer.  It’s common courtesy.

The napkins were probably the highlight.  They were cloth and worked really well at cleaning the windows.  One waiter told me I didn’t have to do that, but I insisted.  After all, I like a good, clear view of parking lots.  Who doesn’t.

Finally, it was time to order.  I went with the pizza.  The menu said I could pick four toppings, so I chose half portions of eight toppings.  There were only seven to choose from, though, so I made one up.  “…and blorgaspork.”

"Sorry?  What is blorgaspork?"

"That’s your job to know, now isn’t it."

After a reasonable wait, my food arrived.  It was a really good meal, not exactly overpriced, but not exactly underpriced either.  It was just priced.

My waiter soon arrived and asked me if I wanted dessert. 

"Steve," I said, "Have a seat."

He did.

"I have this business idea.  And while I’m here, and we’re family, I was hoping you could give me a loan."

Steve tried to laugh it off.  Like it was some kind of joke.  I was offended and he could tell.  “Steve, this isn’t a joke.”

Steve looked a bit nervous.  I grabbed his hands and pinned them to the table.  “Are we family or not, Steve.”

"Not in the literal sense…" said Steve.  I wasn’t going to let him reason his way out of this one. 

"Look, Steve.  I cleaned your windows.  Family does that for each other.  They clean each others’ windows.  Now, don’t you think I deserve that loan?  We’re family, Steve, we’re family."

Steve handed me 13 bucks.  “Thanks, Steve.”

★★★

bagmilk:

komaegay:

bagmilk:

my package still hasn’t came i give up

did you try switching hands

image

Self Rule

From now on I will never open up my feelings for anyone ever again. I’ve had too much of my trust be thrown away as if it was a piece of paper with scribbles all over that someone had on their homework. No more sharing my thoughts, telling my secrets, or anything that could make me regret sharing my time and words with another. I’m sorry, but it’s better to keep quiet than to expose myself for pain.

Trips

So I recently just got home from my second trip to Anaheim and well it’s something I should do more often. My stress level has never been this high and I don’t want it to go any higher. I think I will start incorporating more trips into my life. I’m so thankful I have friends that are kind enough to take me around town and show me the sights, malls, and get food with me.

(Source: iammegadaddyissues)

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dicktho:

bf: come over
me: dont u have a period?
bf: we’re gay
me: oh yeah

(Source: bonehard)

(Source: 33333333333333333335)


waterbottleporn:

a-touch-of-heavenly-light:

uncagethemonster:

gallifrey-feels:

simplydalektable:

modular-definition:

This is one of my favorite Doctor Who moments, by far.

I want to point out, despite my problems with Moffat: hey look a gay character who is portrayed as a normal well-adjusted badass dude who believes in his relationship enough to sass his president and quit his job over it, even in a time when that was not cool. None of us had any idea this guy was gay until he said he was in love with a dude (a black dude even, I hope we get to meet him later on—I’m only halfway through S6 so don’t spoil it for me) because shockingly, usually the only way you can tell people are gay is if they a. tell you they are gay or b. are in a relationship with a person of the same gender. 

A-fuckin-men.

Canton is a badass motherfucker.

He was the best minor character of season 6.

Is that….is that Crowley from Supernatural or am I losing my mind?

Welcome to 

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reblog if you want your followers to tell you one thing they secretly think about you

hoodpussy:

first time doing anal looks

remedyy 😂

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