(Source: monsieurcouture)

I set extremely high dating standards, because this way no man can ever reach them.



1. People die.

2. You can not always prevent number one.

3. You aren’t required to know everything.

4. You are required to know the foundational knowledge and skills of your job. NO EXCEPTIONS!

5. Blue is bad.

6. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round. Any variation of this is bad.

7. If you drop the baby, pick it up!

8. Remember when dealing with patients, families, and supervisors; if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.

9. All bleeding stops….Eventually…

10. Generally, its a BAD thing to use the terms “That’s not good” or “oh shit” in refrence to the patients condition.

11. It’s okay to pet the dog, even with gloves on.

12. All patients have a full stomach.

13. A patients wieght is directly proportional to the probablitly that the elevator does not work.

14.If you respond to a car accident after midnight and do not find someone drunk, keep looking, you are missing a patient.

15. The dead seldom get better, on the other hand, they never get worse!

16. An unconsciouse patient is a co-operative patient.

17. Most of your patients will be healthier then you are.

18. If during your transport, your driver yells don’t look out the front window… or the back, abide by this.

19. If its stupid but it works, its not stupid.

20. Training is learning the rules: experience is learning the exceptions.

21. Dispatchers will never miss their lunch breaks… they can also ensure you get yours.

22. Patients who fall or get injured outside will always move inside to the top floor bedroom before calling 911 because they can no longer walk.

23.To figure out the true amount of drinks a drunk has had, take the number they say and multiply it by 2 and add 3.

24. In apartments your patient will always be at the last room at the end of the hall on the left.

25.Common sense… is NOT common.

26. Think of your shift as a game. Survivor, the 12 hour version.

27. There are only 3 kinds of patients; 1) Ill, 2) Injured 3) Ignorant… 3 usually leads to 1 or 2.

28. Standard responses from nursing home staff include: it’s not my patient, I just got here, I was on vacation, they are new here, It’s not my floor, I think so, I am only here 1 day a week, I didn’t ask for the fire department, I don’t see it on their chart.

29. Don’t ever lie to your patient. If something is awkward to say, learn to say it without lying.

30. Proper use of a BVM is hard and takes practice.

31. OPAs and NPAs make using a BVM less hard.

32. Carry your weight.

33. Carry the patient.

34. If the FD or PD does #33 for you, make sure you thank them!

35. Have someone to talk to when the world crashes down.

36. Let human tragedy enhance your appreciation for all that you have.


How to get engaged by Hilary Duff

(Source: klsekelsey)



It always seems like parents only ask you to do stuff

okay but he fine….




Some people say I look like this guy by MrLegenDarius




every guy on those speed dating shows on MTV in the early 2000s


Chris Pratt isn’t the only star who hit the gym for Guardians of the Galaxy.

147,766 plays Anaconda Nicki Minaj Anaconda - Single


I did not leak it, someone gave it to me

When yah parents talking to they friends and you ready to go.

Michael Ealy! OMG so cute!!!

Graduation speech
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to crush*: Fuck me
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you

(Source: orangeis)



Somebody tried to stump this squid by putting it in front of a background that its camouflage mechanisms could never hope to imitate…

So it turned itself transparent.

stick it to the man, Squid.




2002 vs 2014